Home / Channeling Harry Doyle with Billy Campione / Channeling Harry Doyle: Mascots Get the Beating They Deserve

Channeling Harry Doyle: Mascots Get the Beating They Deserve

By Bill Campione

Mascots Get the Beating They Deserve

Apparently, Mr. Met was attacked by a drunken fan at Shea Stadium on June 6. This heroic act was long overdue. For years the Mets have allowed this travesty of a mascot to roam the field and appear on television shows, such as Late Night with Conan O’Brien and the Colbert Report, to represent their team and their fans. He is nothing but a giant, baseball headed creation that has no connection to the team.

Mascots are completely unnecessary to any sporting event, yet they still play a large role in entertaining the little ones, marketing the team, and giving away t-shirts made in China from high powered rifles. We’ve compiled a list of honest to God mascots roaming professional baseball stadiums across the country.

 

Pittsburgh Pirates: Captain Jolly Roger

While this mascot has only been around since 2006, the Pirates are considering replacing it with their new, more accurate representation of their team, M T Pockets, the Revenue Stealing D-Bag.

St. Louis Cardinals: Fredbird

From Wikipedia: “In later years, he has been joined by “Team Fredbird”, a group of young women employed by the club who help him with his t-shirt toss and occasionally in other duties.”

Fredbird was removed when it was found that “other duties” included “wetting his beak”, “hatching his eggs”, and “mouth feeding them worms”.

Cincinnati Reds: Gapper and Mr. Red

Mr. Red, who has since been replaced by Gapper, famously disappeared for much of the 1980s. It is rumored that Marge Schott fired him, insisting that he was “definitely a Jew.”

Washington Nationals: Screech

Who knew things were this bad for Dustin Diamond.

Baltimore Orioles: AC Slater

New York Yankees: Dandy

Forgotten by many, Dandy was the Yankees mascot in 1980. He was beat up by fans and when the actor never returned, the mascot idea was scrapped until…

Dandy was replaced in 2007 by Hank Steinbrenner.

Boston Red Sox: Manny Ramirez

Seattle Mariners: The Mariner Moose

Since the name Mariners refer to the marine culture in and around the city of Seattle, what other animal comes to mind, except for the buoyant moose? In preparing for this article I attempted to drown a moose. It is indeed impossible.

Oakland A’s: Stomper the Elephant

Stomper has appeared in public service announcements against chewing tobacco, but is a strong advocate for the use of anabolic steroids.

San Diego Padres: The Swinging Friar

With the recent scandal in the Catholic Church, the term “swinging friar” took on a whole different meaning. Wikipedia even calls the Friar “a switch hitter”. The mascot was traded to San Francisco in 2006.

 

Comments