By Bill Campione
Last week, the YES Network premiered the latest in their series of Yankeeographies, this one starring Yankee great, Alex Rodriguez. Some have bristled at the notion that A-Rod is worthy of such a distinction, as he has only been a Yankee for five seasons, has yet to win a World Series, and performs poorly in the clutch. Some history: YES has produced two Yankeeographies for those still in uniform (Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui) and has profiled three Yankees who have not won rings (Don Mattingly, Bobby Murcer, and again, Matsui). Supposedly this show was produced last year, but was held off because of the contentious negotiations that were to come once A-Rod opted out of his contract. Also, Cynthia Rodriguez makes no appearances here, nor do any strippers, mistresses, or Kabala followers.
I understand that A-Rod may not YET be the ideal subject of this biographical treatment, but the Yankees have produced many of these, and eventually you are going to have to dig deeper and be a little less selective than you were in the past. FullCountPitch.com has obtained YES’s list for the 2009 Yankeeography season, and you may agree that Joba and Phil had better live up to expectations, because the bottom of the barrel is clearly visible.
2009 Yankeeography Schedule (subject to change)
Best Credit Card Giveaways
“I really need a 21 thread count towel for the beach this summer.”
“Hey, it might rain…I wish I had an umbrella.”
“I need a backpack to carry all of my Yankee souvenirs.”
We’ve all walked past the MBNA (now Bank of America) tent at Yankee Stadium and salivated over the great gifts you get just for signing up for their credit card. Join YES as we look back at the best giveaways a 25% interest rate can buy!
Kevin Maas
Watch all of Kevin’s 65 career home runs and spend the rest of the program sitting in the dark, wondering what the hell happened.
Wilson Betemit
Hosted by Joe Girardi and Satan
Kimberly Jones
Hear Kim Jones’ best questions from the post game show! (Note: this program has a running time of four minutes.)
First Name First…and Last: Players with Two First Names
So many great Yankees had the distinction of having two first names. These players finally get their due as we pay homage to Gene Michael, Shane Spencer, Tommy John, Chad Curtis, and Graeme Lloyd.
The Outlaws
From the immortals like Doc Gooden to the eight timers like Steve Howe to the illicit sexual exploits of Luis Polonia and Mel Hall, this episode covers all of the illegal activities of past Yankee greats!
Wayne Tolleson
From a group that includes Andre Robertson, Fred “Chicken” Stanley, Robert Eenhorn, Mike Gallego, and Bobby Meacham, Wayne Tolleson stands out as one of the best light hitting shortstops in Yankee history.
Freddy Sez!
Freddy Schuman is man with a pan! Our cameras follow Freddy around as he asks fans to take a spoon and bang it on the pan he wears around his waist in front of his crotch!
You Can Pick Your Friends, But…
Watch as all time great Yankees manager Joe Torre picks his nose for sixty straight minutes.
Pinstripes are Slimming
Join the YES Network as we pay tribute to those who needed an XXXL jersey and help climbing the dugout steps. David Wells, Chris Britton, and Hideki Irabu share the best big league buffets, how to repair a shattered button in between innings, and how to hide foreign substances in your rolls of fat.
The Turn Two Foundation
This Yankeeography does not discuss Derek Jeter’s charitable organization. It does, however, show all of his record breaking double plays from the 2008 season.
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7 responses so far ↓
1 Gary Armida // Aug 14, 2008 at 1:45 am
Could you find a worse picture of Kim Jones? Wow.
Excellent job, once again. Getting Wayne Tolleson, one of my favorites from the dark days, in an article is tremendous.
It’s great to see Irabu who Steinbrenner called A big, fat, pussy toad.
2 Pete // Aug 14, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Heh, I remember signing up for the MBNA cards at least twice — once was a hat I believe, can’t remember the second gift. Could have been a poncho.
The card went right in my top drawer at home, never to be activated. It wasn’t until I downloaded a free credit report *years* later that I found out that not activating a card doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have an account. And it *does* affect your credit rating.
Good stuff once again, Bill. The inclusion of Tommy John makes me think that a good subject for an ‘ography’ might be all the draft picks we’ve signed recently that are candidates for the surgery.
Either that, or an hour’s worth of footage from the *actual* procedure.
3 Chris // Aug 14, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Wayne Tolleson….. Bet you couldn’t resist putting him in this article after the comparison was made last week! At least Newsday gives away Jerseys and such, not just ponchos!
Great article.
4 Bill Campione Sr. // Aug 15, 2008 at 8:03 am
Good Stuff as usual. Gary you were 100 percent right about the Kim Jones picture. I think its what you educated guys call passive agressive behavior.
5 Gary Sr // Aug 15, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I have to admit I chuckled a little when Tolleson was introduced as a former Yankee great on Old Timers Day. Were Jerry Kenney and Cellerino Sanchez too busy to attend?
Give Torre a break. Could you go four hours without picking your nose?
I hate to clue you guys, but that was a good picture of Kim Jones. I don’t know what else you guys are seeing.
6 MAC // Aug 16, 2008 at 1:45 pm
is true that Aaron Small was considered a Yankee Old Timer?
7 Delano // Aug 18, 2008 at 8:09 pm
perhaps you could profile Joe Girardi’s love affair with Justin Christian????
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